A man trusts a woman when he feels she trusts his leadership/decision making skills, supports his endeavors, has his back through thick and thin, she’s sexually satisfied and is basically his number 1 fan!
Fidelity plays a role in building trust, but it’s not number one on their list like it is ours.
Essentially you have an impact on his love meter, so it’s in your best interest to learn how to meet their very simple basic needs consistently if you want him to only have eyes for YOU.
If you do this you will get what you want in return! If you don’t see results and you feel you are hitting a wall you could possibly benefit from some guidance to help you discover what is truly at the core of the disconnect.
Keep in mind you both have needs, and in order for the relationship to thrive, there must be a mutual respect and desire to reciprocate those needs. If you’re doing all the things your man could ask for, and if he has unresolved emotional issues, nothing you do will be enough. He’ll eventually find ways to sabotage the partnership, despite your efforts.
When women make men feel any of the following negative emotions:
Disrespect Anger Frustration Disappointment Resentment Hurt
It causes the following “symptoms”: they pull away, say hurtful things, disconnect, withhold love/attention/affection, etc. All of the things that drive us crazy. Realize that what you do or say has a direct affect on how well he trusts you. How well he trusts you determines how well he treats you and how close emotionally he will feel connected to you. The stronger the emotional connection the deeper level of intimacy you can have with your man. Trust is the key to capturing their heart.
SIDENOTE: Some men have serious trust issues, not just in the sense that they are jealous…it’s more like they continually second guess your intentions and motives when it comes to words and actions. Again, these issues typically stem from unresolved childhood pain, and/or past heartache.
BASIC NEEDS FOR MEN & WOMEN –
Men feel loved when they feel respected, appreciated, desired, supported and needed. This is how a woman will gain his trust and devotion. Women feel loved when they are respected, appreciated, desired, supported and protected. This is how a man will gain her trust and devotion.
Notice our basic needs are similar… just two differences, but they are big ones. Women are wired to look for men to “protect” them. This is why security is important to us. It’s not only that we want to know that a man can financially take care of us and a family, but we also need to know we are physically, mentally and emotionally safe with them too.
Safety and protection, are not at the top of men’s list for obvious reasons. Instead they want to know their woman needs them.
Not in a needy, I can’t be alone and need you to do everything for me…KIND OF WAY. Look at it more like, he wants to be your “hero” from time to time. He doesn’t have to save you from a fire in order for you to make him feel this way.
Any time he solves or fixes one of your problems (it doesn’t matter how small or big it is) he feels good inside. He then connects those good sensations to YOU. So, if you are one of those women who feels like, I can take care of this myself.…see if it’s something he is willing to do for you, then give him praise and thanks afterwards.
Here are a few common mistakes women make and the negative emotion(s) it triggers in men:
1. COMPLAINING. When we complain it causes them to feel frustrated and/or disappointed. It doesn’t matter what you are complaining about, and it’s worse when it’s about him. Complaining doesn’t have the same effect on us as it does men which is why women can vent to each other more easily, but even we have our limits.
When a women complains to a man, especially when it’s about him, they will typically want to distance themselves, disconnect, or withhold love affection and attention. Hearing you complain makes them feel a sense of helplessness which causes a feeling of insecurity. Not to mention it can be very annoying which makes us less appealing/attractive.
If you keep getting on your man about something it’s probably because you’re having a hard time communicating your needs and wants effectively. If your message isn’t “getting through” to him then you could need some guidance from an outside source. I’ve helped many women bridge the communication gap with their man and now they are getting more of what they want and need with less battles. There are exceptions to these rules and it’s usually when a man has deeper rooted issues that doesn’t allow him to see you as an equal.
SIDENOTES:· Be careful of the words ALWAYS and NEVER. Best not to use them especially during heated moments. Both should try to refrain from using them since they tend to really push buttons. Ex. “You NEVER help me in the kitchen.” Ladies, I’m sure there was that one time he washed the dishes and he’ll be sure to remind of you it.
·Men look for solutions, so if you just want to vent about something and you aren’t looking for advice tell him before you start talking. This helped me tremendously. Before sharing I tell him, “this is one of those times I just need you to listen.” It works like a charm.
2. CRITICISM. When you criticize, tear him down, or ridicule him in any way (little or big) it causes a level of anger, disrespect, resentment, hurt and/or embarrassment. It’s worse if you do it in front of others. If we regularly tear our men down and make them feel disrespected it affects their level of confidence.
Instead of coming from this perspective… “I’m going to focus on what he does wrong (aka not the way I’d do it) and it’s my job to point out his mistakes and flaws” switch your mentality to “how is he assisting me and how is he trying to show me he cares”. Many times it’s difficult for us to see these things when we ourselves are hurting, but if you seek you will find.
Just like men can make women feel insecure, women can make men feel insecure too. This is where the disconnect begins between couples. Over time the gap gets bigger and bigger. The more insecure we make each other feel (consciously or subconsciously) the more we start to withhold love, and that’s when the “game” begins.