• Janie Terrazas

I Love Me, I Love Me Not – The Self-Love Deficit Disorder

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself because you are the one person you can never escape from. You’ll be with you until your last breath, so it would be wise to become your best friend, your numero uno cheerleader, your own beloved.

The first step to self-love is to know and love ALL OF YOU. As long as we have an unresolved heartache/trauma (particularly feelings of abandonment, neglect and/or abuse during childhood), we will attract individuals who will help bring these hidden “painbodies” to the surface.

The polarities in your personalities will help highlight one another’s imbalances, and the wounded parts of our past, that are impacting us adversely in the present.

Through this higher perspective, you can start to view your current relationship as a tool to help you reach your optimal self. Or, view past relationships as stepping stones that were meant to prepare you for your TRUE BELOVED.

Your beloved is the person who will strive to love you unconditionally. If you’re currently in a relationship, and both of you are willing to accept this type of perspective and awareness, you can take your connection to higher realms.


All the partners you attract play a role in your life journey. Each one is an experience meant to shine a light on what needs to be balanced out within yourself. The dynamic is meant for each of you to discover what you need and want in order to feel secure and appreciated in your partnership. In healthy love each is willing and able to take accountability for the pain and strife they inflict on the other, and together they address their problems. They recognize it’s a team effort.

Often only one will wake up to this truth, and the other will resist this MINDFUL, MATURE perspective on SELF, and partnership. Instead they have the attitude of it’s me against you…they don’t see you as ONE. They’ll hold on to the past mistakes as an excuse to remain angry/pessimistic, they’ll guard their subconscious wounds – aka their self-sabotaging programming- with all their might, and will put most of the blame on their partner for their problems and/or lack of joy. All of which prevent them from seeing their inner self, and the relationship through a truthful light (the 360 degree divine perspective).


If you’re making the effort to heal your subconscious mind with the intention to become a better version of yourself, and you’re taking accountability for your faults/unhealthy behaviors, but your partner won’t, it is extremely painful. The lack of mutual accountability and understanding kills any sense of trust and respect. Without that it is impossible to feel safe and loved.

Towards the end of my marriage I was deep into my KNOW THYSELF walk…I wanted to understand all of the lurking painbodies within me that were unknowingly wreaking havoc in my life. My partner, on the other hand, had his reasons for resisting seeing his hidden underworld of love distortions, communication barriers and his masculine/feminine imbalances.

I know many others (friends and clients) who were in this exact scenario. The one thing we had in common was we could see the golden opportunity for tandem healing. Through compassion, mercy and understanding we knew we could reach a higher realm of love. This is what mastering unconditional love for self and your partner is all about. It is an arduous process, but we knew the work was worth it. Our partners, however, weren’t on the same page.

We became so determined to get them to see the conflict, and the polarities in our personalities, from a higher/deeper perspective, but the words fell on deaf ears. Their protective defense mechanisms would not let them see beyond the symptoms. They could not grasp the idea that good could come from this pain, so instead they wanted to run and avoid it all together. Their unwillingness to face the truth, and see their personal part in creating the chaos, would not allow them to perceive our intentions in a positive light. All they could see, feel, hear, believe is, “I WANT TO CHANGE AND CONTROL YOU”.