Sex and intimacy are two major aspects of a relationship, yet not many men and women understand the difference, nor do they know how they tie into one another. This is why couples have a hard time keeping the passion in their partnership. As a relationship coach I’ve discovered the root of this problem goes much deeper than meets the eye.
4 SOCIETAL REASONS COUPLES FACE SEXUAL & INTIMACY ISSUES
1. Most couples aren’t having honest, open discussions about their sexual needs, wants and desires because they don’t feel “safe” enough to be raw and vulnerable with their partner. None of us are taught how to have this kind of dialogue, so instead we just don’t talk about it.
Once we start suppressing our truth, or pretending everything is ok when it really isn’t, it’s a recipe for disaster. This starts to create an unhealthy habit of withholding truth which leads to underlying tension. I use my S.A.F.E. Communication Method to help couples share what’s really on their mind and heart…even when it comes to sex.
2. As a collective society we’ve been programmed to look at sex JUST FROM THE PHYSICAL aspect so couples eventually hit a wall sexually.
“In the West, we sometimes view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to pleasure our lover or to connect with him or her more fully.” DiscoveryHealth
The sacredness and divine power of sex isn’t engrained in the Western culture. The raw, primal, mechanical part of sex is what is focused on, but the sensual, spiritual, emotional side has been negated. These represent the male and female energy systems respectively and both play an important role in sex. The female energy represents emotional intimacy. If you still think sex is just about you and your partner “getting off”, then your missing out on the true purpose and it’s limiting your ability to reach higher states of sexual ecstasy.
I believe when a couple is safely meeting one another’s needs emotionally AND physically (outside and inside the bedroom) people are much less likely to seek attention from someone else because the SEX IS SO SPECTACULAR!! The feelings and sensations are much more intense because this type of divine union is feeding the mind, body and soul.
3. Most of the men in our society look to porn to set the standard for sex and what they think it means to be “GOOD IN BED”. Let’s face it it’s not really the standard guys should be aiming for. In the U.S. most males are getting their sex ed from pornography, and for those who watch it regularly it’s training their brain to be attracted to that and mostly that. (hint hint: fast, hard and ultra kinky isn’t ALWAYS what women want)
As for how porn affects women, they think they have to live up to these unrealistic standards which kills their confidence in the bedroom (See humorous video below). We already have to deal with all the other female stigmas, which we’ll cover in number 4, and here’s just one more to add to the list.
I believe the real intrigue in porn stars and strippers isn’t just their “T-n-A”, it's their sexual prowess that really turns men on.
Even though most of these women are putting on a paid “performance”, it appears they are expressing themselves without any reservations which is part of the turn on. Men get off to seeing a woman who gets immense satisfaction from pleasuring her partner and herself. The female sexual freedom they exude is alluring and energetically powerful. Sadly, most of these women in pornography are showcasing this power in a skewed unhealthy manner, since technically they’re still being objectified.
All women are capable of tapping into a healthy version of this liberated sexual sacred space. And when they do they’re able to channel their divine INNER GODDESS. When a woman comfortably embraces this side of herself, it opens up a new world of sexual fun for her and her partner. This can be a process for women, however the healing work is worth it.
Men have no idea they can help bring this out in a woman, even more so when they understand how to support her healing journey. But first they need to know how to make her feel emotionally safe, and physically desired. This lack of knowledge is hindering men from truly connecting with a woman intimately and sexually.
If a man wants to experience a woman’s primal sexual essence, it would be wise for them to do some studying of the female anatomy and psyche.
I want to help open the eyes of men to a whole new world of sexual pleasure, by teaching them how to tap into their INNER LOVER, KING, WARRIOR and MAGICIAN (research Carl Jung's work on male archetypes). When a man knows know how to truly make a woman feel safe, comfortable and passionately desired (in and out of the bedroom), she’ll want nothing more than to please him.
PORN SEX VS REAL SEX
HUMOROUS VIDEO LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q64hTNEj6KQ&feature=youtu.be
4. Sex has been made out to be something “dirty”. Men are wanting women to “let go” and “surrender” in the bedroom because that is the sexual energy they CRAVE, but women are instinctually holding back to some degree because they aren't being treated with tender, loving, care and respect, and/or they might possibly be worried of how they’ll be perceived. This is why many females have inhibitions around their sexuality and sensuality.
Guilt and shame lie deep within the female psyche so many find it difficult to fully embrace their INNER SEX GODDESS. This is due to variety reasons including cultural, societal and religious stigmas. Plus, if a woman has endured any kind of sexual trauma it can cause barriers as well.
Any mental/emotional blocks, regardless of where they stem from, will prevent a woman from being able to truly let go allowing her to reach new sexual heights with their partner. As a coach and intuitive energy practitioner, I’ve helped many women heal the wounds which keep them from awakening their dormant sexual energy. It’s awesome to see them blossom with sensual confidence.
The hard truth is men need to learn what it means to truly be a great lover and women need to learn how to heal and break free from all the self sabotaging thoughts/beliefs, so they can reclaim their ‘sacred sexiness’.
This combination between a couple is what helps open the heart of a man and awaken the woman’s sensual, sex goddess allowing him to feel her in ways he never knew were possible. This is what creates the DIVINE SEXUAL UNION between a couple and when you have something that delicious you want to respect, honor and cherish it.
SEXUAL PSYCHE OF THE WEST
Let’s face it Western society has many hindering beliefs when it comes to men, women, love, sex and marriage. There are relationship habits and ideas, especially around sex, that are being spread from one generation to the next and it’s time to break the paradigm and create a new one.
Because we’ve all been following in the same mental footsteps of those that came before us, we’re falling victim to the same sexual relationship RUTS they fell prey to.
Here are just a few of the COLLECTIVE MIND distortions:
· you can’t be completely fulfilled emotionally and sexually with one person for the long haul
· all men would cheat if given the opportunity, even if they’re happy with their partner
· it’s inevitable boredom will eventually strike in the bedroom
· men and women will never understand one another so we just need to learn how to “put up” and “shut up”
· a man’s orgasm is more important than a woman’s
· it’s impossible to have an open honest line of communication with the opposite sex especially about SEX
· sex is dirty- you can’t be spiritual and very sexual (this stereotype is especially true for women)
· cheating is only cheating if you get caught…”what your partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them ” mentality
If you keep buying into all of these then you’ll never be able to have the kind of relationship that thrives emotionally and sexually. When couples build a strong foundation and learn how to nurture it properly they are able to resist any temptation that comes their way. If you and your partner have this type of union and one still decides to cheat, then there is some deeper rooted pain that the person needs to personally address.
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