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Are You More Right or Left Brained In Your Relationship?

A foundational topic I discuss with all clients (because it impacts intercommunication) are the “female and masculine brains”.

Understanding why you have two brain hemispheres, and learning how to synchronize them, will help reduce your stress levels, improve your communication skills with the opposite sex, and greatly enhance your lovemaking skills.

In Chinese philosophy the concept of Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) is used to describe how apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they become one as they interrelate to one another. As you can see in the chart below, the right brain represents the feminine traits, and the left brain masculine traits.

Each side serves a vital purpose, and although we tend to resonate with one side more than another, both are necessary for us to successfully function in the life. People’s need to push the envelope in the work place keeps the left side of their brain on overdrive. Simply put, the left hemisphere is about thinking (logic) and the right hemisphere is about feeling (emotion). When you can comfortably and skillfully utilize both sides you become a happier, more balanced human being.

“The truth is that when you are able to balance right and left brain tendencies, you are better able to problem solve, be productive, be creative and ultimately, less stressed.” – Eva M. Selhub, M.D. *

Masculine Versus Feminine Essence

Depending on the “brain mode” they’re in, all men and women exude either a masculine or feminine essence. Although a person typically has one dominant side, it’s not always gender-based. In other words, even though most men’s typical default setting is the left side and women’s is the right side, there are exceptions to the rule.

For example, my client Rebekah — a single mother with a full-time job — is forced to use her masculine brain functions to make it through a day. However, when she’s on a date with a man, I told her it would be wise for her to shift into her feminine brain so the softer, less controlling and more nurturing, radiant side of her persona shines through.

Women tend to believe that men can’t handle powerful, strong, driven, independent women. Quite the contrary. A confident, respectful gentleman will find those qualities attractive as long as they’re in balance with the woman’s feminine side. This is why it’s important for a woman to periodically allow a man to take the lead as she gives off a supportive, understanding vibe he’ll truly appreciate.

What men find unattractive are women who think they don’t need a man to do anything for her, or corrects every little thing they do. A man wants to feel like he can take care of his woman and make her happy. He needs to feel like he does some things right, and isn’t constantly chastised when he makes mistakes.

Whether or not it’s her intention to do so, a woman can energetically push him away. She then ends up scratching her head wondering why he hasn’t called, asked her for further dates, or the marriage ends up in divorce. Often times it is because he feels neglected, or is tired of feeling like a failure.

Men can also fall into this trap, especially because the masculine lines are less defined in today’s society. If a man is indecisive, overly emotional and lacks assertiveness, a woman will begin to lose interest.

A man doesn’t need to be “machismo” to exude masculinity. But if he doesn’t know how to assertively take charge he can come across as “weak” in the eyes of a woman. A man with toxic masculinity will often use aggressive, oppressive or bullying tactics when he leads, and or directs. This is unhealthy.

(Sidenote: A woman can still look feminine and project strength, just as a man can still look manly and project weakness.)

It’s great when men are connected to their more masculine left brain. But I also encourage them to connect to their right-brain feelings, such as knowing when to be soft and when to be strong. When a man knows how exude strength and tenderness towards a woman he’ll become irresistible to her, which of course is a win/win for both of them.

Sexual Attraction is Based On Sexual Polarity

Interestingly, energetic polarities play a big part in attraction. In other words, a woman who exudes mostly masculine vibes, and a man who exudes mostly feminine vibes, will initially have a strong attraction to each other. However, if they enter into a relationship they’ll eventually have problems because she’ll discover things where she wished he was more masculine (take charge and make decisions), and he’ll wish she was less controlling and more nurturing…especially in the bedroom.

If you want to have an exceptional sex life you need to put in the effort to expand your sexual knowledge regarding the physiological and psychological differences between a man and a woman.

The polarity of the yin and yang plays a major role when it comes to keeping it sexy in the bedroom. It’s possible to love your partner and have a great friendship but that doesn’t always translate into a hot sex life. I teach sex and intimacy classes so that couples can learn how to maintain the friendship as well as sustain a dynamic, passionate connection. When you learn how sexual energy works you can take lovemaking to another level.

Sexual energy literally has a flow to it just like an electric current running through a battery (the negative charge represents the female and the positive charge the male). Opposite sexual polarities is what creates the spark of passion.

For example, I’ve found that most of my female clients who tend to be left brained in their day to day life (always in control and/or taking charge), typically prefer to switch gears in the bedroom. In other words, they need and want to be more submissive. However, in order for them to surrender control they need the presence of a confident masculine man. One who knows how to take the lead, and ignite the feminine essence in her so she can comfortably allow herself to let go and be ravished.

“The sexual polarity fades unless in moments of intimacy one partner is willing to play the masculine pole and one partner is willing to play the feminine. You have to animate the masculine and the feminine differences if you want to play in the field of sexual passion.”David Deida, Author of The Way of the Superior Man

How Polarities Affect Communication Styles

Often in these reverse yin-yang scenarios, a woman may find it hard to express her feelings and will need to retreat to process the problem, which is typically a masculine trait. Whereas the man will want to talk it out and get it done and over, which is more of a feminine trait.

Even though the roles are slightly reversed, these relationships can work if both are willing to learn how to honestly and effectively communicate their wants and needs, and are willing to do their part to meet in the middle by balancing their male and female attributes. They’ll also have to learn how to accept and respect each other’s differences.

I’ve worked with many couples who’ve faced this kind of situation. Those who were committed to doing the work made it through the rough patches. But those who didn’t had to accept the partnership wasn’t a good fit and walked away, which was the best thing to do because the resentment or lack of acceptance can take a toll on a person’s heart, mind and soul.

When two people have a sincere desire to be with each other — and they choose to make the necessary changes, not only for their partner but for themselves — they have higher odds of sticking together and making the relationship work.

The following quote is from one of the most thorough research papers I’ve read on the psychological and physiological differences between men and women. Written by Dr. Michael G. Conner (Psy.D Clinical, Medical and Family Psychology), it’s a marvelous compilation of what we’ve learned about why the sexes think, feel and communicate so differently:

“The real purpose is to increase the awareness between men and women, and to help them set aside issues that are not personal but are merely manifestations of nature. To my way of thinking, it is important to honor and rejoice in both our nature and our individuality.”

Defining a New Approach to Dating and Relationships

Much of the discord that takes place within relationships is the lack of understanding about the polarity between the sexes. Instead of blaming others for problems they’re having while dating and in their partnerships, people need to understand themselves, and one another on a much deeper level.

A new way of viewing the opposite sex needs to emerge. Women and men both have beautiful, useful qualities to bring to the table and when they’re understood, respected, honored and brought into balance it creates a lovely dance between the two sexes.*Source: Huffington PostLink on Sexual Polarity



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