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  • Janie Terrazas

R.A.D. Love Deeds That Keep Couples Mindfully Connected


It’s easy to lose sight of the most important things in life when you lose yourself in the day-to-day hustle and bustle of the world. When you’re in a relationship, especially if you have kids and a busy work schedule, your partner can easily take a back seat.


Usually it starts with a few days that go by, where you feel like you barely speak, or touch. Before you know it, days turn it into weeks, then days turn into months. It’s no surprise many people say they fall “out of love”. Partners can easily turn into two ships that just pass each other in the night.


Sometimes we feel like we don’t have the time for our partners, but we have to MAKE THE TIME. It’s unrealistic to think you can maintain a passionate connection if you don’t do the little things on a daily basis to keep it ALIVE! This is why I created The R.A.D. Love Deeds.


All men and women want to feel Respected, Appreciated and Desired. The deeds, which are listed for you below, are healthy relationship habits that you can do on a daily basis to make each other feel R.A.D. When we set a daily intention to make our partner feel “rad”, it allows us to stay connected even on those busy days.


We have to ask ourselves, why do we get into relationships in the first place? It certainly isn’t just to have a warm body around to look at. It’s our nature as human beings to connect with others to share in the emotion of LOVE. Relationships when nurtured properly can be a source of fun and rejuvenation. If neglected, your partnership can easily become a pain in your neck, and an additional stressor in life. This happens when you ignore each other’s core needs and wants.


If you and your partner want to maintain a passionate connection, a strong friendship is key. When couples stop doing the little things to make one another feel Respected, Appreciated, and Desired (R.A.D.) they slowly start to drift apart. Falling into a day-to-day routine with one another is normal especially if you live together. But, if each of you don’t make the MINDFUL effort to show you care on a consistent basis, the magic eventually wears off.


Both, friendship (the emotional connection), and passion (the physical connection) are equally important. I like to use the analogy of a plant and a campfire to symbolize them, respectively. If you don’t water the plant it will wilt, and if you don’t tend to a campfire it burns out. What you do for one another, and how you treat each other outside of the bedroom has a direct impact on the passion. If you want to keep your flame burning strong, then don’t lose sight of making sure you stay connected emotionally and physically with one another on a daily basis.


It’s unreasonable for couples to expect to have AWESOME days, every day. You aren’t always going to get along like two peas in a pod, however if you truly want to avoid common relationship pitfalls, putting in some work is essential. This is how you’re going to fall deeper in love overtime, instead of “falling out of love”.


I’ve found that couples who are deeply devoted and trustworthy of one another, consistently do their best to make their partner feel Respected, Appreciated and Desired (R.A.D.). This has proven to keep couples connected leading to a stronger bond overall.


When couples stop laughing together, being playful with one another and have little to no sex, they start to “lose the spark” that attracted them in the first place. The goal of the R.A.D. Love Deeds is to maintain that connection so couples can sustain happy, longevity, instead of becoming a statistic. All couples are different, so together you can go through these and give each other specific ideas on what would make you all feel R.A.D.!


RESPECTED

Honor Your Word – If you say you’re going to do something, always do your best to honor it. This helps establish trust, which leads to respect.


Be Kind – Do not use your words to put one another down. Instead use them to lift each other up. In times of conflict it’s common for couples to say harsh words out of spite. This isn’t always easy to refrain from, but it would benefit you greatly to get into the practice of learning how to handle conflict in a healthy manner. At the very least, do your best to refrain from cussing at one another, and going below the belt.


Family/Friends Bashing Off Limits - Do not put down the family, or friends of your partner. Even if they do it, it’s best you don’t chime in no matter how justified you feel you are. It can go South fast. You can share your concerns about someone, as it relates to your relationship, but it’s up to your partner to respect your feelings or not. If they don’t, you get to choose to accept that or move on.


Show Your Support – Making your partner feel proud of their accomplishments, talents, skills and/or encouraging them to pursue their dreams, aspirations and endeavors goes a long way. You want to be each other’s #1 Fan! If you feel jealous of your partner you shouldn’t ignore these feelings. Envy of any kind can toxify a union over time.


Acknowledge Bids for Attention – If your partner is sharing something that is of importance, or of interest to them, be respectful and offer your full attention. Top relationship researcher John Gottman, says “turning towards bids” versus “turning away”, is the ultimate determining factor for success in marriage. In a newlywed study, newlyweds who were still married six years after their wedding had turned towards each other 86% of the time while in the lab. Those who were divorced six years later, however, had only turned towards each other 33% of the time.


Listen Actively & Compassionately – When either of you want to have a S.A.F.E. talk about something that is bothering you, do your best to offer your undivided attention and listen with compassionate care.


Being fully present and truly doing your best to understand where they are coming while hearing them out allows them to feel connected, secure and loved by you. I highly recommend you watch the following video on COMPASSIONATE LISTENING also known as active listening. https://youtu.be/lyUxYflkhzo


It’s about listening with the heart, instead of the head. It’s learning to be open and empathetic to hearing your partners pain, or concerns from the observation and reflection point of view…not blame and shame.


APPRECIATED


Saying Thank You – You can never give too much appreciation for what your partner does for you and/or the family. Don’t forget to say thank you even for the mundane things, like grocery shopping, taking out the trash, washing the car, cutting the grass, doing the bills…showing appreciation for these things goes a long way.


Love LanguagesDoing your best to express your partner’s love language shows you care and appreciate them. Don’t let days go by without showing their kind of love. Here is a video that breaks them down. https://youtu.be/5ftHEXaTBuk


Focus On The Positives It’s easy to focus on what you think your partner is doing wrong. In some cases you might feel the need to point these “negatives” out. This need to put them down isn’t going to help strengthen your connection.


Realize that if you choose to focus on the few things your partner does wrong, you’ll miss out on all that they do right. In those moments when you feel compelled to say something negative, stop and ask yourself, what your true intention is and whether the comment you’re about to make is necessary. If you feel it’s important then a S.A.F.E. discussion would be a better option.


DESIRED


Compliment – Complimenting one another keeps the attraction alive. Telling a woman she’s pretty, cute, beautiful, sweet, hot, sexy, etc. NEVER gets old. Men also like to know their woman finds them irresistible. Compliments don’t always apply to our looks. Praising each other for the things you admire about one another will also help build a strong connection.


Touch – Touch stimulates the release of the “love hormone”, oxytocin, which enhances a sense of trust and attachment. When a couple makes it a point to hold hands, sit close to each other on the couch when they watch TV, cuddle in bed, give spontaneous hugs, kiss one another goodbye and hello, a touch on the back while they are washing dishes…it sends a strong bonding message to your partner and makes your sexual connection even richer.


“Touch strengthens relationships and is a marker of closeness… The stronger the reciprocity, the more likely someone is to report emotional intimacy and satisfaction with the relationship,” says, Laura Guerrero, coauthor of Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201302/the-power-touch

CLOSING THOUGHTS...


People think the passion and connection they have at the start of their relationship will last a lifetime without having to make much of an effort. The truth is if both of you want to grow deeper in love, you can’t let your relationship fall to the way side. You also both have to have the attitude of ,“I’m in this to Master Mindful Love.”


Making the R.A.D. Love Deeds part of your daily practice can increase your chances of creating a fulfilling, divine bond that lasts a lifetime.


I believe in the 80/20 relationship ratio. At least 80%, or more of the time, you and your partner should be happy in the relationship. That leaves 20% or less to be in conflict, or at odds with one another. I see those moments between couples, as IRON sharpening IRON. They are opportunities to bring you deeper into understanding and closeness.


THE GOOD NEWS is that when you learn to build a safe partnership, anything that causes conflict, can be settled in a mature, mindful way. This offers space for reSOULution to take place. The more you practice it, the better you get.


If you are chronically unhappy, and are constantly at each other’s throat more often than not, then it could be time to reevaluate your relationship goals, intentions and habits.


You can try using the R.A.D. Love Deeds to reconnect and reignite the spark that initially joined you together, but if that doesn't work some coaching could put you all back on the right track.

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