TRANSPARENCY leads to AUTHENTICITY
The number one reason why couples should complete a pre-marital course before tying the knot is because most of us were not taught to honestly and effectively express our wants, needs, desires, concerns, fears and insecurities.
And if research shows that an honest, open line of communication, is the defining factor for a secure, successful marriage wouldn’t it benefit us to become skilled at expressing ourselves?
Often times it takes someone on the outside to help you see your communication BLIND SPOTS, and the areas you and your partner will struggle with when it comes to SAFE self-expression.
There are 2 parts to your marriage: your friendship (emotional-mental-spiritual connection) and the passion (physical connection). Each impact the other. You can’t expect to thrive for the long haul if you don’t come up with a plan on how you’ll keep them alive and well. Strong communication and understanding is vital for both.
Relationship VS REALationship
My goal is to assist others in building R-E-A-L-ationships. This type of radical union must be built and nurtured by two people. The R.E.A.L. acronym describes what it takes to create a happy marriage that can go the distance. It goes hand-in-hand with my S.A.F.E. Communication Method. Sadly, most of us are not raised with this mentality and outlook on communication.
*Each of you must be willing to be RAW, (this goes back to what I stated at the start…you have to be able to honestly and effectively express yourself) Vulnerability + Humility = Authenticity. This ties into RESPONSIBLITY because in partnership it is your responsibility to be transparent and forthcoming.
*You should have an EAGERNESS to understand self and your partner, which has to do with empathizing. Understanding where your differences and weaknesses stem from is how you evolve and reach a deeper level of emotional intimacy. Empathy and compassion are key skills for healthy connection.
*You must cultivate an ATTITUDE OF ATONEMENT AND ACCOUNTABILITY. Pride and stubbornness destroy love, so getting comfortable being accountable for your actions and apologizing properly when you’ve hurt your partner is crucial.
*Lastly, LOYALTY. When you are loyal to the process of learning how to create SAFE MINDFUL LOVE, and you put in the consistent effort to master all of the above, then you’ll have a better chance at setting yourself up for having a LONG-LASTING LOVING partnership.
There isn’t a class that we are required to take growing up that covers the intricacies of communication, nor is there anyone teaching us about the true meaning of emotional intelligence. This is having the cognitive ability to rationally and objectively share the details of what you are feeling and thinking, while remaining grounded in a place of compassionate observation and reflection, not shaming and blaming. When couples learn how to do this it’s a big communication game changer.
It’s an essential ingredient for building intimacy in relationships, says Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. “When someone feels seen and heard by you,” she says, “they begin to trust you.”
Aside from not being taught how to process and share emotions properly, we were also not given a handbook on how to MASTER loving ourselves unconditionally, much less how to love others this way. Yet, when we get married that’s exactly what we expect our partners to do.
THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND
Most people are just winging relationships, and falling for the fairytale of what it means to be married. The truth is the majority of couples aren’t well equipped to face conflict and adversity. If you look at the marriage statistics it’s obvious something has to give, because the divorce rate is not improving.
WHY? Because the blind are leading the blind. Most of us are just following in alignment with how our parents communicated, and often times the paradigm we are taking on for ourselves is outdated. We’ve also taken on gender roles in partnership too, which are shaped by what we grew up witnessing, and these too need to be examined/redefined.
My pre-marital course titled, MINDFUL LOVE: Building SAFE REALationships that Thrive, is intended to address the common communication barriers (see below), and provide you with the tips and tools to handle conflict in a MINDFUL manner when it arises.
There are other important relationships topics that I cover in my curriculum that can make, or break a marriage. Plus I help couples cultivate simple daily habits that will keep them connected emotionally, and physically because it’s the little things that matter the most over time.
The point of a PRE-MARITAL course is to be proactive. Don’t wait until you have problems to learn this critical information! CHECK OUT www.TheMindfulLoveChallenge.com
HERE is an Emotional Intelligence Masterclass I highly recommend: https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-masterclass/ Other classes of theirs have already been mentioned by the top publishers including Forbes, New York Times, Huffington Post, and Entrepreneur.
COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING IS EVERYTHING
To accept our partner’s wholly is to appreciate them for who they are, and how they show up in the world. Appreciating their strengths and positive qualities is easy, but what about their weaknesses/unbecoming ways? Accepting these things without fully understanding the root of them is simply a form of TOLERANCE. And overtime toleration can lead to resentment/contempt, so it’s better if you each come to understand the reason for one another’s trigger points.
This is what my pre-marital course helps to assess. Learning to understand one another, as well as mastering compassionate listening is a huge part of the work you need to put into your marriage in order to build a strong foundation. If you feel you there is a DISCONNECT in understanding one another, there are plenty of physiological and psychological explanations for this and you need to know what they are so your marriage doesn’t fall prey to them. Often times you need an unbiased mediator to assist in bridging the gap.
The Top 5 Communication Barriers Couples Face in Relationships – Why aren’t we hearing each other?
CORE Differences between couples: