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  • Janie Terrazas

Why Couples Should Take a PRE-MARITAL Course

TRANSPARENCY leads to AUTHENTICITY


The number one reason why couples should complete a pre-marital course before tying the knot is because most of us were not taught to honestly and effectively express our wants, needs, desires, concerns, fears and insecurities.


And if research shows that an honest, open line of communication, is the defining factor for a secure, successful marriage wouldn’t it benefit us to become skilled at expressing ourselves?


Often times it takes someone on the outside to help you see your communication BLIND SPOTS, and the areas you and your partner will struggle with when it comes to SAFE self-expression.


There are 2 parts to your marriage: your friendship (emotional-mental-spiritual connection) and the passion (physical connection). Each impact the other. You can’t expect to thrive for the long haul if you don’t come up with a plan on how you’ll keep them alive and well. Strong communication and understanding is vital for both.


Relationship VS REALationship

My goal is to assist others in building R-E-A-L-ationships. This type of radical union must be built and nurtured by two people. The R.E.A.L. acronym describes what it takes to create a happy marriage that can go the distance. It goes hand-in-hand with my S.A.F.E. Communication Method. Sadly, most of us are not raised with this mentality and outlook on communication.


R.E.A.L. BREAKDOWN


*Each of you must be willing to be RAW, (this goes back to what I stated at the start…you have to be able to honestly and effectively express yourself) Vulnerability + Humility = Authenticity


*You should have an ENTHUSIASTIC desire to understand self and your partner, Understanding where your differences and weaknesses stem from is how you evolve and reach a deeper level of emotional intimacy. Empathy and compassion are key skills for healthy connection.


*You must cultivate an ATTITUDE OF ATONEMENT AND ACCOUNTABILITY. Pride and stubbornness destroy love, so getting comfortable being accountable for your actions and apologizing properly when you’ve hurt your partner is crucial.


*If you learn to practice all of the above, you’ll have a better chance at having a LONG-LASTING, LOYAL, LOVING partnership.


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


There isn’t a class that we are required to take growing up that covers the intricacies of communication, nor is there anyone teaching us about the true meaning of emotional intelligence. This is having the cognitive ability to rationally share the details of what you are feeling and thinking, while remaining curiously grounded in a place of observation and reflection, not shaming and blaming. When couples learn how to do this it’s a big communication game changer.


It’s an essential ingredient for building intimacy in relationships, says Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. “When someone feels seen and heard by you,” she says, “they begin to trust you.”